Are you strong enough?
Sharmila Pun, DNPPF Fellow 2023
Sharmila, are you strong enough? Was a question I used to contemplate frequently. As the eldest daughter in my family, there was an unspoken belief that I had to be strong and resilient. I believed that I had to set an example for my younger siblings and uphold the image of a capable and composed individual. As a result, I never exhibited any fragility. From an early age, I taught myself to conceal my emotions and put on a brave face, even when I was hurt inside. I always thought that being vulnerable was evidence of weakness that could be abused or turned it against us. It became a habit to bury my true feelings and present an image of unwavering strength. I did this for my own safety and also to live up to the standards that society, or should I say I, had set for myself. Also I believed that showing sensitivity would only lead to disappointment or judgment from others.
But, as I got older, I could sense the weight of this deception. I felt like I was struggling alone, carrying the weight of the entire world on my shoulders, unable to vent my own worries and uncertainties. I began to question whether this constant suppression of vulnerability was truly necessary or it was holding me back from emotional growth, fulfillment and building meaningful connections.
One pivotal moment occurred during one of our university student counseling sessions. I witnessed a student speak candidly about her insecurities. I was shocked to see that instead of disappointment, she was met with empathy, understanding, and sincere connections. It created an environment of openness and trust where we felt comfortable sharing our own vulnerabilities without worrying about judgment or rejection. It fostered deeper connections and allowed us to support and uplift one another. Her story served as a reminder that we are all flawed humans, with our own setbacks and triumphs. In that moment, we gave ourselves the freedom to be real by recognizing and accepting our shortcomings. It was a powerful lesson in compassion and empathy. I saw that vulnerability may be a source of strength, allowing for genuine human connection and support. It was a turning point that caused me to doubt the wisdom of the perspective I had taken.
Now, I realize that suppressing my emotions is unhealthy and does not serve me any good. It's critical to recognize and express my feelings to move forward and be my true self. I am realizing that in order to become more open and authentic, I must gradually unlearn deeply established patterns.
In retrospect, I can understand that being strong does not mean putting on a brave face or protecting ourselves from suffering. Instead, our willingness to admit our flaws, face our anxieties, and take risks defines true strength. In a mix of anxiousness and determination, I am beginning to challenge the status quo and explore my own vulnerabilities. However, I must admit, the journey of embracing vulnerability is not an easy one. There are moments of anxiety and fear. But at the same time I know that each step I take outside of my comfort zone will push me one step closer to a newly discovered sense of authenticity and freedom. When I started allowing people to see beneath my protective barrier, I was surprised to find compassion and understanding instead of judgment or disappointment. People respected my honesty and shared their own vulnerabilities. Now I could say that by challenging our societal expectations and being open to vulnerability we can understand ourselves and others better. And also we will be able to build meaningful connections and create a safe space to express ourselves authentically. I'm coming to understand that showing vulnerability is not a sign of weakness but rather a reflection of the fact that we are emotional beings.
I am ending this blog post with a phrase I read in my Instagram feed today: "You're braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think" - Christopher Robin, Winnie the Pooh.